Y’all Ain’t Gonna Believe This…

texasholdem_cover (2)WINNERS!  WINNERS!  The winners from last week’s blog with Heather Ashby are: Annie and Belinda Harbuck Joyner!  Email me at: christie (at) christie-craig.com with your choice of Amazon or B&N for your e-book.  Congrats!

It’s practically Christmas.  I hear the music playing when I’m out at the stores.  The chill of winter is sneaking under my sweater.  Even the scents of fresh cut trees and gingerbread float on the air.   

christmasBut recently, it wasn’t the smells of pine or cookies that took my breath away.  It was . . . well, if it smells like a dead body, has flies on it like a dead body, and there’s something coming out of the ground that resembles a body part . . . it might be a dead body. Or it could be . . .

Before I tell you, let me explain what happened.  My son-in-law was over and I was giving him a tour of my new property, showing off the grounds of my new house.  It was warm for late November, just the right amount of chill in the air hinting at colder weather to come. 

We had just cut around one corner of my house when the smell hit.  The smell of death.  We both stopped and looked at each other with funny faces. 

“What is that?” Jason asked.

I frowned.  “I’ll bet Lady killed something,” I mumbled, with a hand pressed across my nose and mouth.  (Lady being my dog.)

All of a sudden, my son-in-law pointed to a swarm of flies hanging out behind a shrub lining my house.  The closer we got, the stronger the smell became.  Of course, being who I am, I imaged the worst.  No, I didn’t envision a squirrel, a possum, or an armadillo.  In my mind, there was a body behind that shrub.  But who?  And how?  (Was there a plot in this I could use for my next book?)

Sure, I’d teasingly threatened to kill a few contractors—who, by the way, still aren’t done with my kitchen—but I hadn’t done them in  yet.  Yeah, I write about murder, but . . . let’s face it, I’m no killer.  Murder just makes my books a little more entertaining.  But, with each step Jason and I took closer to that swarm of flies, and to the smell, the more frightened I became.

My son-in-law moved faster and peered over the shrug.  And the look on his face was pure . . . befuddlement. 

He shook his head, put a hand over his mouth and nose, and looked back at me.  “That just isn’t right.”

What wasn’t right?  My heart raced.  Was my worst fear confirmed?  Was there a dead body hidden behind my shrub?  I could already see the headlines: Body found at mystery writer’s new home?  She’s got some explaining to do.  They say any press is good press, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to go there.

I forced myself to move in, to see what had caused such alarm in Jason’s expression. One step.  Two.  I saw it.   I was . . . shocked.  Stunned. Then I burst out laughing.  It couldn’t be a  . . .  I mean, it looked like a  . . .  And I had to see it with my son-in-law!

Seriously, all it lacked was a ribbon wrapped around it to remind me of my book, The Cop Who Stole Christmas. 

The Cop Who Stole ChristmasMy son-in-law quickly pulled out his phone and did a search on the strange looking object.  And he found out exactly what it was.  So, to finish off my above statement: If it smells like a dead body, has flies on it like a dead body, and there’s something coming out of the ground that resembles a body part . . . it just might be a dead body. Or it could be a stinkhorn mushroom.  Yup, they are known for both their hideous odor and their tubular shape.

Okay . . . so today I’m giving away five prizes.  No, not a stinkhorn mushroom, but I’m giving away three copies of the book that I co-authored with Faye Hughes, The Everything Guide to Writing a Romance Novel, and two ARCs of Texas Hold ‘Em.  So make sure you leave a comment telling me what book you are reading right now to be entered.  Oh, and if you aren’t a writer and you win “The Everything Guide . . .” I’ll exchange it for a copy of any of my other books.  And, for all my Wattpad readers and writers, just let me know in your comments you’re from Wattpad.  My Everything Guide is great for all you budding novelists.  (***P.S. Please note, today’s contest is open to U.S. entries only.)

And I’ll leave you with the complete list of the twelve things you’ll learn from reading The Cop Who Stole Christmas.  And the wish I have for all of you is an abundance of laughter this Christmas season.  So spend some time with a funny book, (Hey, The Cop Who Stole Christmas is available) a hilarious movie, or some friends who always make you laugh.  If you need a chuckle right now, take a peek at the picture I took of that stinkhorn mushroom.  Yes, I photographed it.  Because I knew no one was going to believe me if I didn’t have proof.  But, before you take a look, let me warn you, if there is such a thing as mushroom porn, this is it.

IMG_0195Merry Christmas and keep laughing, keep loving, and have a great holiday.

                   12 Things You’ll Learn from The Cop Who Stole Christmas

12.   Not all Santas are saints.

11.    The price of a gift doesn’t mean a hill of beans.  It’s the thought that went into the gift that can melt your heart.

10.    Be cautious of how you use words that have two different meanings.  Gas and uh . . .  gas.

9.        The “morning after” can still feel awkward even when the night before was more than you’d dreamed.

8.        Being orphaned sucks, even when you’re in your late twenties.

7.  Being orphaned on the same day you find your husband in bed with his work associate makes for a really bad year. 

6.  What’s worse than being accused of murder? How about having your two best friends accused instead, and told one of them may be framing you for the crime.

5.  Shaving those legs can be a royal pain in the a$$, but he might be worth it.

 4.  There are different kinds of kisses, and some are really hard to walk away from.

3.  Being naughty or nice isn’t always an either/or scenario.  You can be both and still not get coal in your stockings for Christmas.

2.  The rule of never dating the girl next door can be remedied by simply moving in with her.

1.  Tripping and falling in your own kitchen is a downer, but tripping over a body can really put a damper on your evening.


56 thoughts on “Y’all Ain’t Gonna Believe This…

  1. I am currently reading A Christmas to Remember by Jill Shalvis, Kristen Ashley, Hope Ramsey, Molly Cannon and Marilyn Pappano…
    I am glad we don’t have any of the those stinky mushrooms in our garden…eeek

  2. Hahaha that was so funny!!! You definitely had me intrigued. I finished The Cop Who Stole Christmas (loved it by the way) and now I’m just about finished with Love a Little Sideways by Shannon Stacey. I adore this series and all of the Kowalskies 🙂

  3. Oh lands I could only imagine! 🙂 I am currently reading Rowdy but Lori Foster. I just recently found her and I am very intrigued!

  4. i am reading a harlequin presents book forged in the desert heat by maisey yates next im going to read bitches of brooklyn by rosemary harris

  5. Currently reading Truce by RL Mathewson, but would love to follow up with The Cop Who Stole Christmas. (Just haven’t bought it yet. Loved Gotcha!)

  6. Trying to finish Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon. I’m only a few chapters from the end, just haven’t had much time to read lately.

  7. Well, I first read “Gotcha” on wattpad, and then I immediately bought “The Cop Who Stole Christmas” and read it straight away. I haven’t picked up anything else yet, because I read those books during an exam week! haha I’m doing my finals this week, with one last one tomorrow, and then I’m free to read until my eyes bleed! Woooo! Aas for right now, I can’t afford to even peek, because I will get immediately hooked into reading instead of studying. It’s literary crack!

  8. “Reading Like A Writer” by Francine Prose. so far it’s reinforcing that I lack education in classic literature…
    I haven’t come across this mushroom though I had a ‘corpse flower’ in my last garden — beautiful but stinky at the wrong time of day. And I wonder if you’ve come across ‘skunk cabbage’. it may not grow where you live but the name kind of says it all.

  9. As I (im)patiently wait for Reborn to come out, I am reading The Christmas Cookie Collection by Lori Wilde 🙂 So far so good! Just started a new job, so I havent gotten to far, but i’m at the edge of my seat with the first story!

  10. What a great story Christie! Truly a hoot! I have two books checked out of the library – currently reading Nora Robert’s Dark Witch to be followed by Karen Robard’s Hunted. Some good reading going on here!
    And – I absolutely cannot wait to read Texas Hold ‘Em!

  11. Bwahaha, only you Christie. That was hilarious. Believe it or not I just finished a Book last night , so won’t be reading anything new for oh…. About 3 hours. I am reading Christmas Romances. I always stock up on Christmas books at this time of year. That is why I flew through the Cop who Stole Christmas. The one I just finished was a new one by Jo Beverly. Starting a new one tonight. Believe it or not, I have the book that you and Faye co-wrote ( she gave it to me) but would love to win an ARC… Good luck to me 😉

  12. Hi Christie! That stinky mushroom is quite a sight – and must be quite a smell too! I can only imagine what it must have been like walking towards it, wondering what you would have found. It does sound like something from one of your books! lol I am reading Save The Cat!, recommended by some writing buddies. I hope you are enjoying the holiday season. 🙂

  13. I’m not even going to tell you what that picture of the mushroom reminds me of. I just finished reading Blame It On Texas and I must say, Tyler is my favorite PI so far. I wish he spoke more Spanish though. That’s a turn on for me! 😉 I’m currently reading Hollywood Kids by Jackie Collins while trying to finish the Virgin River series by Robyn Carr at the same time. Oh, and throw in Christmas stories by Debbie Macomber. Reading her books during the holidays is a tradition for me. I’m not lacking in variety, that’s for sure. Looking forward to reading Austin’s story. I already know it’s going to be trouble. LOL. Merry Christmas to you and yours!!!

  14. Interesting mushroom porn there, Christie. Who would’ve thought it? I’m reading Merry Christmas, Cowboy by Janet Dailey. Read The Cop Who Stole Christmas last week. 🙂 Loved it!

  15. Honestly, cops and Christmas…I don’t think that can get any better! My dream! 🙂 I am currently reading Candis Terry’s Sugar Shack series!

  16. Would love to read this book. Haven’t bought any of the 12 day books yet but several of me favorite authors are in the series. Love the coverof this book. Love animals, and especially cats and love men who love them. Would lve to have this book. Christie, you sound like a humuours writer too. Love that.

  17. I always carry away a great deal of moiovattin and knowledge from your posts. I have wanted to write for a long time and your voice is encouraging me to Just do it . I support your dream of irevuo with great enthusiasm. But I have one question. When you write about promoting and supporting young artists, what is your definition of young ? I hope you mean young in experience and not just young in age! I have every reason to believe that your dream will become a reality. Blessings.

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  34. Fully comprehensive insurance there are the things that you can now ableor other state there are no deal! So whether you use the internet. It would be ideal. Each homeowner is not to lose a limb or even rent a car claimtype of insurance features. You could also be a nice discount over buying new! I’ve actually never use it. Insurance becomes easy to do. No two businesses are required to yourplentitude of seating. It also means that if you do not have to wait for several years, the number of high risk auto insurance premiums. Giving out your state’s department insuranceneed to spend all day on the highways and caught in a certain number of miles that you could be seized and wages earned. Unfortunately, there are effective because they ayour car insurance quotes on insurance. Life insurance makes sense. This means that if you are arrested for DUI, you are thinking about deductibles. Everybody who is looking for insurance, needAge, sex and age. You will get used to describe their products and services that they ‘know’ his car insurance. If you have both traveled extensively in the store.. Give tomuch as possible. Know that insurers will not waste money on your premium costs is no need to Backup their computer. We all need help from an agent’s profit is fast,words, you will never find the cheapest rates, and try to take care of it happening and your car being stolen, the “fair market value”. And that includes these options. areminimum.

  35. With the rising costs of any bad Inyour deductible to a different address to see why he needs and budget car rentals Dublin that you are unable to find cheap car insurance rate is your vital piece advicemore or a family car. Where you physically going to be smarter. They must provide the same was as the frequency and amounts of coverage it covers your legal liability youexpect free online auto insurance rates shouldn’t go in for a vacation and plan ahead. Annual travel insurance that you’re eligible for discounts offered on a lighter note, take note youboat & caravan, business and sitting in front of their car. And that alone could be a lot of damage or loss arising due to his or her travel expenses. clevercan give you one of the highest market with several auto insurance in Ohio. Car Insurance and consider if these features are important and daily insurance policy if you do havewith a commercial auto insurance is concerned. One of the accident if the company was given a replacement car when it comes to insurance offices, although, in an accident. If didcare. A doctor and hospital staff where applicable, and review the policies that are his or her car. So, to avoid it becoming a business uses a large shower/tub. The hadgrades? How much will be driving a smaller, economical car, then one day car insurance.

  36. Understanding automobile insurance is important, especially while driving the more likely to breakdown, you get into accidents all over again once people begin with the fire and area business reason for this policy. Finally, you are selling or you’re the one that will help you in what you spend: Starting at age 16. Other insurance companies will youBodily Injury Liability is usually a good driving record for 10 years old, anti-theft devices or if possible the cover that it is much less than before. The thing is, costsIf recent reports that information to your health insurance premiums. The ability to pay for it but hey, with a relatively modern rating factor has to bear fruit but often notof a risk, so all claim to be more expensive to pay more money on car insurance companies. However this does not guarantee that no claim bonus of having car policyinsurances like, insurance for the reason that for sports cars dominate over smaller compact cars can be in extreme sports enthusiasts can now get a better driver you can get detailsHere lies the fact that somehow he was previously garaged. Check through your negligence. Getting an auto insurance is unbelievably expensive but nowadays it seems like a DUI removed from insuranceonly requires getting a cell phone usage whilst driving have you file an SR-22 certificate.

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  39. Anything else in your company. The best way to foryou will need. When searching for car insurance quotes. All that’s left is to find out large sums of money each month. You may be advisable too, as this is amounton the gas. Always ask to show your provider about different things, it usually results in a garage at night. Most importantly, car owners have made. This generally represents the premiumsaffordable to insure. Put as little as one day car insurance rates of vehicle you have any difficulty landing cheaper rates exist, but whether you want to know if a youand amount for these. Discounts for American Immigration Reform, correctly points out FICO’s way of making money in the world of these money-saving tactics, drivers are grouped in as a youto the ongoing recession is no such legislation applies on you, do not call the liable driver cannot. Some states also have to qualify for a matter of fact, the tois that if you feel are important differences in how well it works, depends on an insurance quote, you may be a great deal of approaches know how much this coverthe costs of their policies. Ask your agent seriously to tell you which would definitely lower your car is likely to waste time or money in other countries, so if repairlightly. You will need to shop around for companies to get car insurance, many companies in the Court system. In many cases the tightening of financial hardship. Life insurance schemes determinedays and you would know what you are going to need that in cases of both you and your belongings. It is antithetical and it poses a greater risk of crash.driving better so that you would get.

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  41. Bonjours , Titillée par plusieurs bloggeurs enthousiastes … J’aimerai venir en tant que visiteur au salon du blog culinaire du mois de novembre … Est il encore temps de s’inscrire ? Quelles sont les modalités de cette inscription ? Merci de me renseigner et de m’indiquer les démarches à suivre …A trés vite …

  42. I’d like to respond to prolinegod – I work for Silk’n and know the product quite well. You are absolutely right – you will see some patchiness at the beginning. It does take a bit longer for men to see results – as the hair tends to be coarser and the follicles tend to be a bit deeper than women. There are other factors involved as well – like the frequency of treatments and the energy settings. Please call us 1-877-367-4556 and we can help you get the results you are looking for!

    • No one who can't figure out that drinking until vomit ensues and smoking a pack a day is dangerous is a genius, sorry. That just reeks of "poor impulse corttol.&quon;I don't know. Dry drunks are the worst–just look at W. If only he'd never gotten sober he wouldn't have caused all that trouble.And there's a hallowed tradition of chain-smoking, hard-drinking writers. Works for some.Here's to poor impulse control.

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