WINNERS! WINNERS! The winners from last week’s blog with Heather Ashby are: Annie and Belinda Harbuck Joyner! Email me at: christie (at) christie-craig.com with your choice of Amazon or B&N for your e-book. Congrats!
It’s practically Christmas. I hear the music playing when I’m out at the stores. The chill of winter is sneaking under my sweater. Even the scents of fresh cut trees and gingerbread float on the air.
But recently, it wasn’t the smells of pine or cookies that took my breath away. It was . . . well, if it smells like a dead body, has flies on it like a dead body, and there’s something coming out of the ground that resembles a body part . . . it might be a dead body. Or it could be . . .
Before I tell you, let me explain what happened. My son-in-law was over and I was giving him a tour of my new property, showing off the grounds of my new house. It was warm for late November, just the right amount of chill in the air hinting at colder weather to come.
We had just cut around one corner of my house when the smell hit. The smell of death. We both stopped and looked at each other with funny faces.
“What is that?” Jason asked.
I frowned. “I’ll bet Lady killed something,” I mumbled, with a hand pressed across my nose and mouth. (Lady being my dog.)
All of a sudden, my son-in-law pointed to a swarm of flies hanging out behind a shrub lining my house. The closer we got, the stronger the smell became. Of course, being who I am, I imaged the worst. No, I didn’t envision a squirrel, a possum, or an armadillo. In my mind, there was a body behind that shrub. But who? And how? (Was there a plot in this I could use for my next book?)
Sure, I’d teasingly threatened to kill a few contractors—who, by the way, still aren’t done with my kitchen—but I hadn’t done them in yet. Yeah, I write about murder, but . . . let’s face it, I’m no killer. Murder just makes my books a little more entertaining. But, with each step Jason and I took closer to that swarm of flies, and to the smell, the more frightened I became.
My son-in-law moved faster and peered over the shrug. And the look on his face was pure . . . befuddlement.
He shook his head, put a hand over his mouth and nose, and looked back at me. “That just isn’t right.”
What wasn’t right? My heart raced. Was my worst fear confirmed? Was there a dead body hidden behind my shrub? I could already see the headlines: Body found at mystery writer’s new home? She’s got some explaining to do. They say any press is good press, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to go there.
I forced myself to move in, to see what had caused such alarm in Jason’s expression. One step. Two. I saw it. I was . . . shocked. Stunned. Then I burst out laughing. It couldn’t be a . . . I mean, it looked like a . . . And I had to see it with my son-in-law!
Seriously, all it lacked was a ribbon wrapped around it to remind me of my book, The Cop Who Stole Christmas.
My son-in-law quickly pulled out his phone and did a search on the strange looking object. And he found out exactly what it was. So, to finish off my above statement: If it smells like a dead body, has flies on it like a dead body, and there’s something coming out of the ground that resembles a body part . . . it just might be a dead body. Or it could be a stinkhorn mushroom. Yup, they are known for both their hideous odor and their tubular shape.
Okay . . . so today I’m giving away five prizes. No, not a stinkhorn mushroom, but I’m giving away three copies of the book that I co-authored with Faye Hughes, The Everything Guide to Writing a Romance Novel, and two ARCs of Texas Hold ‘Em. So make sure you leave a comment telling me what book you are reading right now to be entered. Oh, and if you aren’t a writer and you win “The Everything Guide . . .” I’ll exchange it for a copy of any of my other books. And, for all my Wattpad readers and writers, just let me know in your comments you’re from Wattpad. My Everything Guide is great for all you budding novelists. (***P.S. Please note, today’s contest is open to U.S. entries only.)
And I’ll leave you with the complete list of the twelve things you’ll learn from reading The Cop Who Stole Christmas. And the wish I have for all of you is an abundance of laughter this Christmas season. So spend some time with a funny book, (Hey, The Cop Who Stole Christmas is available) a hilarious movie, or some friends who always make you laugh. If you need a chuckle right now, take a peek at the picture I took of that stinkhorn mushroom. Yes, I photographed it. Because I knew no one was going to believe me if I didn’t have proof. But, before you take a look, let me warn you, if there is such a thing as mushroom porn, this is it.
12 Things You’ll Learn from The Cop Who Stole Christmas
12. Not all Santas are saints.
11. The price of a gift doesn’t mean a hill of beans. It’s the thought that went into the gift that can melt your heart.
10. Be cautious of how you use words that have two different meanings. Gas and uh . . . gas.
9. The “morning after” can still feel awkward even when the night before was more than you’d dreamed.
8. Being orphaned sucks, even when you’re in your late twenties.
7. Being orphaned on the same day you find your husband in bed with his work associate makes for a really bad year.
6. What’s worse than being accused of murder? How about having your two best friends accused instead, and told one of them may be framing you for the crime.
5. Shaving those legs can be a royal pain in the a$$, but he might be worth it.
4. There are different kinds of kisses, and some are really hard to walk away from.
3. Being naughty or nice isn’t always an either/or scenario. You can be both and still not get coal in your stockings for Christmas.
2. The rule of never dating the girl next door can be remedied by simply moving in with her.
1. Tripping and falling in your own kitchen is a downer, but tripping over a body can really put a damper on your evening.