Do you have what it takes? Could you be a Christie Craig Character? A few months back I listed the first 5 of my 10 requirements for a Christi Craig character in my Divorced & Desperate Series.
Just to review, the first 5 were:
1, Flaws, wonderful fabulous flaws
2. Lots of emotional baggage
3. Be willing to compromise, improvise and be flexible
4. Secrets–the dirtier the better
5. Family who either left you or drive you mad
Now if you want more details on the first 5 requirements, you can revisit my October 20, 2015 Do You Have What It Takes? blog.
Now for the rest of my Christie Craig character requirements list…
6. At least one enemy that we would all love to hate
I’m sort of known for my suspense. And for something to be suspenseful, I need a villain. Generally speaking, a villain is someone in your past or your family’s past. And chances are you or this family member did something to piss this person off. And for my book to be good, I need you and this villain to butt heads, and probably more than once. Sorry to say, but it ain’t gonna be pretty. So make sure you bring your own can of whoop-ass, because you’re gonna need it.
7. Lover of animals, small children and old people
You can be flawed, you can be weighed down by extra baggage, and come from a family nuttier than a Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup. However, my cat better like you, even my goldfish better think you are the finest worm on the hook. Oh and you’d better love dogs, and it doesn’t matter if they pee on your rug or your leg. In Divorced, Desperate & Daring Sheri has an English Mastiff and nothing is messier than a giant, drooling dog. But you better see past the drool to the gentle beast. Because deep down where it counts, you’d better have a heart of gold. And animals, children and old people can detect a fraud quicker than you can say lickety split.
8. Physically appealing
Now, don’t think you have to be cover model perfect. Men, you can have a crooked smile, and few scars, but seriously, no shed for your tools, if you know what I mean. A nice set of abs and wide lean-on-me shoulders are always a plus. Women, there’s going to be something you hate about your looks—thighs that could be a tad thinner, one boob a little bigger than the other. If you are cheerleader perfect, I’m not gonna like you and neither will my readers. Now don’t get me wrong, you can’t be the one who fell out of the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down. But my heroes won’t measure your looks by cup or pant sizes and toward the end of the book, neither will you. There’s just something about seeing the desire in your heroes eyes that makes you know you’ve got what it takes.
9. A willingness to expose it all and to be laughed at in the process
When I say expose, I mean both physically and emotionally. Yup, emotionally you’re gonna be put through the ringer and left hanging out to dry. Oh, you’ll get through it and be a better person for the trouble, but there are gonna be times you’d like to yell uncle, but that man’s already left the building.
Physically, your butt is gonna get naked and while you may think it won’t ever happen–that’s called sexual tension and my agent insist I put it in there—but you are gonna get lucky. Just to put it bluntly, a Christie Craig book is supposed to be hotter than a goat’s butt in a pepper patch. So don’t worry, you will have some steamy fun, and so will my readers as they laugh while you fall headfirst into love. But that fall isn’t gonna be swift or easy, you’ll slip on a few banana peels, and attempt not to step in the piles of poo along the way.
In Divorced, Desperate & Daring, Sheri has a wax job go bad— and I don’t mean her eyebrows—and let’s just say the outcome makes getting naked a little funny.
10. A willingness to risk it all
At times, you’re gonna stay busier than a cat covering up crap on a marble floor, just to stay alive. And it’s gonna get really bad because there’s going to be a lot of crap right at the end. Don’t blame me, it’s another thing my readers and my agent insists on. She calls it a black moment, only sometimes it last a hell of lot longer than a moment. You might even think death is imminent. The thing is, happily ever afters don’t come cheap. You gotta work for them. But here’s the thing, the promise I make to you and all my readers, you will get your happy ending. You’ll find the love of your life, and when its all said and done, it’s gonna make a hell of a story.
Do you fulfill most or at least some of these requirements? Could you be one of my characters? Only the brave need apply!